it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
