I'm eating all of the evidence.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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