woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
