I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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