Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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