look no pants
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize