Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
