Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
