I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
