You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
