I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
