dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You've changed since you got that strap on
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
