I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I want is dick and wine.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
