i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
