Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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