On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
