He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
