so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
