I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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