Just cropdusted the office
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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