Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
