I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize