I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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