tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was like eating out sand paper
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
