I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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