god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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