we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
