apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
