is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
