Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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