A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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