So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
