i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
