at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
