I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
