Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
