Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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