Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
