dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
time to smoke my breakfast
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
