its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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