Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
