I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We're too hungover to prance.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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