I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
