Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize