i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
