That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
