just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
