his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
