WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
