apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
