shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Randomize
