sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
