we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
