he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
