you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize