yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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