I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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