i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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