the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
