Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
