I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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