boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
