I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
