He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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