So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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